Many people feel frustrated when they first try mindfulness—and that’s completely normal. As with any new skill, this is normal and is often remedied by clearing up some common misconceptions. Mindfulness is often assumed to be the same thing as meditation. While meditation is a great way to practice mindfulness, there are many other ways to practice that are better suited for beginners.
Reflecting on our experiences (thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations,) nonjudgmentally, is difficult for most at first. Somewhere along the way, the idea that we should be happy or positive all of the time gets instilled. The result is that we might not develop the skills to tolerate unpleasant experiences, and instead become very self-critical for experiencing very natural or reasonable, albeit uncomfortable, things (i.e. fear, sadness, worries, even physical pain.) Nonjudgment means instead of calling a feeling “bad” or “wrong,” we describe it (e.g. intense, unpleasant, fleeting, etc.) and acknowledge its temporary nature. This also applies to how we label ourselves for such experiences. Moving toward self-compassion and away from self-judgment is a central part of mindfulness.
Understanding mindfulness conceptually and putting it into practice are two very different—and often difficult—things. I like to separate practice into two categories: formal and informal. Meditation is an example of formal mindfulness. I find informal mindfulness more helpful for beginners. To try this, identify some daily activities you do “mindlessly” or “on autopilot.” Common examples include chores, grooming, cooking/eating, and driving. During these activities, bring your attention to your senses (what do you see, hear, feel, smell, taste) which will help connect you with the present moment. Throughout this activity, you will notice that your mind wanders. This is normal! The goal of mindfulness is not sustained mental control, but rather awareness of where the mind drifts and gently guiding it back to the present. The intention is that we build a muscle of awareness and flexibility with our mind, so that we spend less time (mentally) in unhelpful places (like agonizing about the past or worrying about the future) and more time in the present with a less judgmental and more neutral outlook.
What I appreciate most about the practice of mindfulness is it gives us a new framework for relating to our experiences, particularly the unpleasant ones. Instead of being adversarial with our unpleasant thoughts and feelings—which can lead to more tension and discomfort—mindfulness gives us the opportunity to simply observe them. This helps us feel less overwhelmed. Whether it’s anxiety, depression, trauma, OCD, relationship challenges, or just better general stress management, mindfulness is foundational to addressing any issue in therapy.
Check back soon for more on mindfulness and other topics!